Part 36

Sardin BlackRock, MasterSmith must look fucking epic on a business card. He must up to his tiny knees in dwarf vagina. If there were any female dwarfs, that is. Which, unless they are just as stout and bearded as the man, there are aren't

I need to add some spice to my name. Drake Wraithington, Corpse Molester just doesn't do justice the towering pinnacle of adventuring that is me. Any suggestions?

Yeah, Torin, great name there. He's a great guy, lot of help, broke up my war party and pretty much told me to beat it. "Wander these halls and talk to my people indeed", dismissive asshole

My human skull fashioned into a hat is off to you good sir. The only thing cooler than having the ass-kickingest name is standing nonchalantly next to a big fuck off rock. I'll be back for those juicy name making secrets and maybe some of that delicious rock candy, you wait. But for now I'll continue meeting and, if there's time, greeting more of you warriorlings

Whoever you are

Gathering giant balls and arranging them in a precise manner so that you can be returned to your body which is currently lying prostate on the edge of a giant chasm? Cause if not we may have less in common than you think

Are you coming on to me?

Even arming them and leading them in an assault on your shanty town here? Because I'd do it if I hadn't already massacred them all. My motivation is split pretty evenly between spite and greed, and you're lucky I don't feel like having to fight the best named character in existence and the best voiced character. Otherwise you'd already be the proud owner of a crotch full of magic axes

He is coming on to me

Because I'm having such a hard time finding equipment. My scroll is so fucking packed with shit it's like some disgusting analogy featuring the fattest guy in stonekeep on ant-taco night

Nothing interesting. Also this may just be a bug in my game but every time I've ever played through this game even if you put the precise amount of gold in his hand for the item you take, he still flips out and brings the dwarf hammer down inciting a stonghold wide assault on my person that, while being largely ineffectual, does tend to fuck with story progression just a little bit. So instead, fuck your store and everything in it. And then put it back.

Sup unnamed buddy, long time no see. If you recall, last we met I said I killed Grak and that you could have his name. That's cool that you either forget already or just weren't paying attention, my feelings aren't hurt at all. Now if you'll excuse me I think someone threw salt in my eyes

Come crawling back for help old man? Best be gettin' your grovel on

About your problem, not about local history and politics

Dammit Thorin, just tell me where it is, I don't have the patience for a dwarf history lesson. Unless it involves wrestling or being tossed, your heritage couldn't be less interesting to me at this moment

Some sort of monster that can outsmart a group of creatures famous for their ability to be knocked out and imprisoned? Seriously, you guys are so fucking dumb that every dwarf I've come across I've had to rescue, I wouldn't be surprised if every dwarf outside this stonghold was stuck in a rabbit snare or shallow hole right now

This is obviously a very important matter to him. I should approach this with the gravitas and sensitivity that the situation requires

Or I could respond like a dismissive asshole. How's that turnabout taste, jerkface!